Britney Spears: Is it Parent Alienation in the Making?

On Britney Spears: Is It Parent Alienation Syndrome in the Making?

First, may I ask that you join me in prayer and remain certain that Britney, like all of us, will through this painful experience be provided a powerful opportunity to awaken to her authentic self and have peace. Let us remove all judgment of her and all family members, and offer love, compassion and presence instead projections. As it teaches us in A Course in Miracle, we do not have the capacity or the information needed to evaluate or judge; nor does our spirit desire to do so. The ego does.

I was recently asked for my feelings on Britney Spears’ situation and, in particular, the loss of access to her two small children. I admitted that I do not follow such stories as they tend to entice ego rather than spiritual “feeding.” With that said, given that I personally know what it felt like to have my children taken away by my husband, I knew that I could speak to the situation from personal experience.

Parent Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a condition where children are brainwashed by a parent, who is defined as the alienating parent (AP) – or, in my case, primarily by the step-parent – to hate and fear the alienated parent, or targeted parent (TP).

Twenty-three years ago I was emotionally, psychologically and physically exhausted owing to a toxic marital breakdown and to learning of my husband’s ongoing affair that had started while I was pregnant. I made some decisions that altered the way in which I had thought my life would go. To know more about my experience of PAS and how I used it to awaken and deepen my ability to love and forgive, read my book Our Cosmic Dance; to prevent PAS from happening to you, read The New Divorce Paradigm.

What I can share from personal experience, and from working professionally with divorcing couples, is that Parent Alienation Syndrome has degrees and at its worst leaves incredibly emotional scarring on everyone involved.

If you are the targeted parent, you will have to do some incredibly honest soul-searching and self-work, and find and own the way in which you are part of the problem. You will need to explore your inner feelings of wanting the freedom to pursue areas in your life other than parenting.

This is heart-wrenching work until you do “own” the ways in which your behaviors and character have contributed to the outcome. This work is not about blame; it is about taking personal responsibility for every event in your life. It is about not being a victim and about reclaiming your power to change the outcome – even if it takes years, as it did in my case.

So what can we do if we suspect that Parent Alienation Syndrome is happening to someone we love? We encourage the alienating parent to get help in the healing of the underlying wound that fosters such behavior. We continue to assure the children that they are loved by both their parents, and we separate the person from the action. We show everyone compassion, and we support the healing of such a fractured family.