When It’s Not About Love and Security . . .
It’s About Following Your Own “North Star”

Have you ever felt that you love your mate, respect him or her and are even friends and, yet, something deep inside your being is saying that your “dance” with this partner is over? Do you have a great job but feel unfulfilled? Do you identify so strongly with the ideals and expectation of the roles enveloping you that you have become deeply unhappy? Have you stopped long enough to check-in and feel whether the existence you are leading is truly an expression of your best life or are you just settling for it? If I have hit a nerve with these sincere questions, you are not alone and, as best-selling author Martha Beck states in her book, “Steering by Starlight” says, you are probably not following your own “North Star.”

Like a North Star, there is an intelligence that guides and calls to you; it dwells within you and is constantly magnetizing you towards it. Your North Star has the clarity and foresight to encourage you, and it may well issue such thoughts as “You deserve more. Don’t compromise. Break the rules and follow your heart’s deepest desires!” I ask you sincerely, can you bear to adhere to such potentially life-upheaving words? Or maybe a better question is, can you bear not to?

Tell me, whose permission do you think you need to begin leading your most authentic, courageous and fulfilling life? And by the way, your mate, family, peers and friends will probably not encourage you to follow your North Star, because they may feel much safer to leave things as they are—the status quo. In fact, they are probably also digging their heels in against the pull of their own North Star.

I would venture to say that millions of people feel this way. I know I have felt this way. You hear this “voice” or feel this unrest, this hunger for more, and yet you stay in your dying or complacent relationships, jobs, roles and adopted identities. Why? Because it is safer . . . or so you think.

In part, people stay because the outer appearance of their union seems to indicate that matters are okay or even great. Yet, they feel numb or uninspired. We also stay because of the huge influence over us of religious, moral, cultural, social and familial expectations. We want to be accepted and approved. Unfortunately the approval comes at a high price—our joy and the surrender of the best life we were “coded” to live.

Individually and collectively we are so afraid to slip outside of conditioned roles and expectations and follow the call of our own North Star; we stay in mediocrity or worse. I wonder if, in fact, the huge and growing health problems we face, the enormous use of drugs and alcohol, and the over-eating are not symptomatic of a humanity that is becoming paralyzed by the desire to remain within the perceived norms and expectations, which were supposed to make us happy but ultimately cannot.

It takes incredible courage to look honestly at our romantic relationships and ask ourselves why we are really in them. Are we there for love or for security? For some, the reason is simple, honest and pure: you are in your union because there is no one with whom you would rather be; you are deeply in love, and it is the love that keeps you growing. Your relationship offers you many ways to become increasingly self aware and personally responsible.

To evaluate your career and see if it is truly allowing you to bring forth your greatest assets as a human can be quite unnerving, but that evaluation and exploration is mandatory if you hope to be truly happy and purposeful in your life.

Regardless of this part of your life that needs a change, a complete turnaround or even an ending, you will not be able to lead your best life until you have the courage to stop living the life that you think you should want but clearly don’t.

So, what does it take to gain the courage and strength to claim your best life? It takes incredible guts, faith and trust. It takes saying “yes” to your own Soul’s nudging and your heart’s pull towards the unknown. And might I add, it is helpful to be aware and even understand that you will upset the people closest to you when you draw nearer and nearer to the magnetizing pull of your still somewhat unfamiliar North Star!

To survive the shift, it will take valuing your own guidance, your own heart’s wisdom and your own life, and it will take an acknowledgement and honoring of your own strong gut feel—over everything and everyone else.

And let me tell you this, you will get all kinds of warnings and negative opinions from people who are themselves trapped in a “safe and patterned life.” So, expect them—better yet, welcome them—and view the comments as proof you are heading “home.” As you do head “homeward,” you may feel fear and even some terror. However, each time you do not allow the thoughts of doom, gloom and complete financial failure to echo in the recesses of your still somewhat hypnotized mind, and instead, you press onward, you will begin to feel freer and on purpose.

The reward for following your own North Star is that you will be happier, you will feel more fulfilled, and you will feel as though you are leading an authentic life. You will attract other North Star followers, too! With increasing certainty you will soon have the joy and sense of purpose for which you hungered. The challenges that will surely come will feel softened by a deep inner knowing that you are heading in the most purposeful direction available today, towards the destiny, brilliance and function you were born to know!

Martha Beck—Steering by Starlight

I have just finished my second read of Steering by Starlight, written by Martha Beck, Oprah’s life coach. This book is fabulous, a MUST read! If you are going through any life challenges such as, health problems, marital issues, separation, divorce, or work related stress, this book will help you dramatically. Martha brilliantly reminds us that we do have a destiny and that when we follow it we are happier. Our individual destiny is what she calls your “North Star” and she shares that it operates like a “compass” and that when we move away from it’s magnetic pull (usually because we are becoming to hypnotized by social, familial, and cultural conditioning and rules) we begin to feel unfulfilled, drugged, numb and/or depressed.

I absolutely agree with her ideas, and I also really appreciated her insight that following our North Star can mean absolutely re-arranging our lives and our relationships. It takes tremendous courage to do the redirection necessary to get back on track, and Martha offers a step- by-step, workbook to assist you in doing so.

I recently listened to Eckhart Tolle and Oprah talk about leaving a situation or relationship, and how the ego, and or pain body, wants to cling to something and someone rather than allowing them or it to leave our lives, because the ego/mind wants the known, it wants permanence.

Oprah said some things I have shared with clients for years, about how we do know we have made the correct decision in leaving; or allowing someone else to go…Oprah said you get a sense of peace with the decision, and I agree, even when the choice is tough. Oprah also said something that I have found to be true, which is, you may have peace with the decision and feel sad too. Grieving a life situation, job or relationship that you once thought was going to be a part of your future, which you realize is not, is natural. More than that, it is spiritual, and wise. Far too many people sever, shove, or repress feelings, because they can not identify them as a part of our total human experience.
The art is in defining a feeling, being with it, yet not becoming identified as it. “I am sad” gets replaced with “I feel sadness”. You remain the “witness” allowing the experience to just be, because life (which you are), just allows, knowing it is permanent, constant and stable. It is the events that play upon it’s (life’s)  screen that are impermanent.

We are being reminded by Eckhart repeatedly about the power of living in the NOW, and in learning to live in an awakened state. We already know nothing is permanent in the physical dimension and therefore appreciating each moment and each form in its present state becomes a daily spiritual practice.

Thank God I got divorced may seem wrong to say initially but for most people that very statement becomes true after the initial grief and loss is processed and integrated. The truth is that leaving a marriage that has gone stale, is non fulfilling or has simply “died,” can be a real blessing. Divorce is not the end of your life, it is often a beginning towards a life more suited to who you have become.

When we complete a committed relationship or marriage we are given the chance to take stock of our lives, and to reclaim ourselves in a new way, and to re-evaluate “shelved” desires and dreams. We are also able to see where we have fallen prey to co-dependency, and irresponsibility. We get to become aware of beliefs we once held and see if they still seem true. We get to examine friendships we have allowed to wane. We reclaim the important roles we have numbed out to, such as mom, dad, daughter, son, sister and brother. In short, we get cracked open, revealing both our shadow and our light, our strengths and our fears, and stand face to face with the terror of not knowing what our future will now hold.

In addition to facing ourselves honestly, we face an awesome opportunity to begin New and to lead an ever increasingly powerful life.

Recently, I was invited to be a contributing author for a new book series, entitled Thank God I … The series and the many short story titles such as mine, Thank God I …Got A Divorce, is aimed towards reminding us that all of our experiences are actually “gifts” if we can view them through a new perspective. In short, we see and experience things very differently if we see that every experience has both positives and negatives in them.

As a divorce specialist I know first hand that the initial reaction to the prospect of divorce is un-nerving to say the least, but after we begin to look with BOTH eyes wide open we soon see that with every perceived loss there is a gain, and with every ending a new beginning too!

It is always good news to read about couples that choose to use mediators in the divorce process.  As a Registered Family Mediator I see the benefits and the relief to couples in my office over and over again.  Some of the top benefits are listed here for you.

• Save you time and money

• Helps you to continue communication with your soon to be ex

• Provides a neutral third party to help you through decisions you may not agree on

I am providing you an article I ran across this morning, which inspired the good divorce news of the day!

Moreah

Wayne Brady’s divorce finalized after four years of separation at 23:41 on April 16, 2008, EDT. By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS LOS ANGELES - Wayne Brady is officially single again.The 35-year-old comedian has been living separately from his wife, Mandie, for four years, but the couple’s divorce was just finalized this week.According to papers filed Monday in Los Angeles Superior Court, the pair married in April 1999 and officially separated in April 2006, citing irreconcilable differences. They have one daughter: 5-year-old Maile Brady. “Mandie is my best friend. We still love each other and we are raising our beautiful daughter Maile together as a team,” Brady said in a statement issued by his publicist. The couple used a mediator to arrive at a final divorce settlement. Details about their child custody, child support and property-division arrangements were not made public. Brady recently guest-starred on TV’s “Everybody Hates Chris” and “How I Met Your Mother.” ©The Canadian Press, 2008

You can easily identify the strengths and potential weaknesses of your relationship, and will be offered incredible relationship improving insights, and free giveaways and discounts NOW, when you carve out just 5minutes to take the marriage quiz.

Your Relationship is valuable and worth 5-minutes to discover just how strong the bond is between you and your partner. And your answers will, lead you to a score which will give you incredible information on how your relationship measures up!

Taking advantage of the quiz allows you to get my books and audio materials at a fraction of the regular price. In fact a purchase of any kind, will deliver to you an awesome free gift that WILL improve the communication and intimacy in your relationship–I promise!

Take the Quiz >>>>

So Eckhart and Oprah are now “friends” and together they are discussing, ego, the pain body, consciousness, and awareness. Through doing this huge web class they are creating big changes, for hundreds and thousands of people, are you one of them? I read Eckhart’s book ,) A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose and really felt that it is one of the most simplified and comprehensive presentations of the teaching offered in, A Course in Miracles.
 
 I have family members reading A New Earth, and it is really inspiring them to be much more present, aware of the ego, mind movement, and is facilitating the power of allowing what it! I have often taught my students that we have become conditioned to
 “fight” what is because we are so addicted to our individual values, goals, and ideals. We want what we view as being “right” so that we can feel safe, superior, separate and “unique”. And in our unconsciousness moments (meaning when we are not present) when we go into “auto pilot” we innocently, allow the ego to rule our perceptions and reactions.
 
 The “Pain Body” as Eckhart puts it, is a wonderful term which identifies the part of the ego identity that loves to embrace the roles of victim and terrorist. And in its insatiable hunger to stay “alive,” it energetically continually seeks out reasons and justifications to be “fed”. If we are aware (present) and can observe it in action we immediately cause a shift, because in observing it, we immediately become the “witness” of the pain-body rather than subject to it.
 
 So in closing, I want to give three cheers, a huge hug, and my deepest gratitude to Oprah, Eckhart, and YOU, for reading and or participating in the book, The New Earth, the class or both, and in so doing, shift or rather leap into a more Authentic Self.

Words can not express how grateful I am for having the opportunity to “hang-out” with Deepak Chopra and Marianne Williamson for a week. These are two of my favorite spiritual leaders, who like me, are absolutely committed to help people awaken to their Real Selves, so that we have the opportunity to save the planet and our humanity from further suffering, and potential annihilation. Among these two incredible friends, I met and listened to the President of Cost Rica, Oscar Arias Sanchez and the absolutely inspiring, Nobel Peace prize recipient, Jamie Jaramillio. The overall take away message I came away with was, we do have the capacity as powerful beings, to change the course we have been heading towards. And we must individually find the courage and conviction to do whatever is needed to, “Be the Change We Want to See in the World!” Each of us does have a specific call within our soul and DNA to answer too, and the time is NOW, to listen and act upon that call. In order to shift global consciousness from an, “I” to a “WE” identification, and to leap to the next level of awareness which we are “coded” to do, each of us needs to look at what thoughts, attitudes and actions we are individually holding which contributes to the whole mind and earthly body that we share. Today we must each think and act responsibly and atone (undo) that which we hold within our belief systems, which stems from the belief in separation, scarcity and fear, and in so doing, restore our inheritance of wholeness, gratitude, and abundance. So, I invite you to join the
 
 Alliance for a New Humanity NOW, and enter with me, into a powerful community of souls who know and trust that we do have the capacity to remember our identities as expressions of God, (love) and therefore, do absolutely believe we can co-create, Heaven on Earth, as it is meant to be.

For me Easter 2008 was a season of profound change. It was a time of death, the allowing of what is… and rebirth. In fact, the truth is, that in death was rebirth already issuing forth. The resurrection pattern plays itself out deep within our psyche, and whether we are leaving a relationship, saying good-bye to loved ones, or allowing the illusory world of solid matter and its many forms to dissolve; this mystical Spirit releasing pattern has much to offer us in learning about living in the NOW. The reality is, that love and truth never leave, they dwell here now even in this very instant as forms seems to leave or disappear.

As we learn to surrender to, “that which was”, (temporal), we realize that it had a specific purpose, to serve towards our conscious evolution. The “form” therefore served us in a particular way, and if we look with appreciative “eyes” we see the gift it brought and can release the form with grace and gratitude.

 Ultimately, all things in form, are destined to dissolve, and ultimately the letting go can become a powerful lesson in love.  As we each learn to open up to something much more precious, formless and eternal—we open to Spirit and it’s purpose for our existence and lives.

In this moment I will remember that crucifixion is something we experience only if we are attached to any particular form, and resurrection occurs naturally when we are wise enough to allow the form to leave our lives gracefully. In knowing we too are in our essence, changeless, formless and eternal, we remember that we belong to the eternal, formless, and radiant, dimension of being, and therefore are raised “up”. I will choose NOW to dwell where life is truth, and love is the only reality. And from this awareness peace and appreciation for all that IS –then becomes effortless.